Teaching Wisdom and Respect

Recently I completed a Life Coach training course and was excited about the start of something new and wonderful. The process was eye-opening and emotionally upheaving. We were encouraged to share some of our personal experiences with classmates so that we would be prepared to handle real life issues. During one of our sessions a classmate expressed how she was tired of being taken advantage of by her family, friends and co-workers. She was given the title of the "go to" person at an early age and in time it became a very draining duty. If someone was sick, needed a hand organizing an event or wanted a shoulder to cry on she was there, regardless of what was going on in her life. She admitted that there never seemed to be anyone there for her to confide in or lean on. There was so much time focused on others that she put all of her personal worries and concerns on the back burner.

Eventually she found herself in a state of exhaustion and resentment due to the demands on her time. She felt that in some instances she was truly needed and felt obligated to help. But in others she realized she was being taken advantage of. She didn’t know how to break the cycle without disappointing loved ones. As we gave loving feedback on her situation I was reminded of a quote by Dr. Phil that states "we teach people how to treat us." By allowing her family and friends to violate her boundaries she was giving them the OK to do so.

Do you find yourself attracting the same type of relationship (romantic and non-romantic) over and over again and wonder why? Or are there certain relationships in your life that need to be revamped? Know that we set the tone for how others treat us by allowing and accepting things that don't leave us feeling uplifted and appreciated.

People will do only what we allow them to do. So if it's respect that you want, insist upon it. If unconditional love is what you desire, accept nothing less.

Living for Today

Lately, my family and I have been spending fun time together catching up on movies before they go out of the theaters. In the past I would often ask friends that have seen a movie of interest what happened at the end. Many were reluctant to spoil the ending by telling me, but I always managed to get them to disclose the big "ta-da". In my mind I needed to know what to expect so I would be emotionally prepared. I was never one for surprises (I didn’t want to be faced with sad ending, which almost always led to a runny nose and puffy eyes).

Once a dear friend poked fun at me gently when I grilled her for the latest storyline and pointed out that I always seemed to be very concerned with what was going to happen next. She was very correct in her observation. When I would read suspense or mystery novels half way through I would jump to the final pages just to see how things turned out. I would always chock it up to wanting to be “prepared.”

In time, I realized that I did this not only with movies and books but also in other aspects of my life. I spent a lot of time wondering about what the future held, not realizing that what I did in the present directly affects the future. The introduction to Jon Kabat-Zinn's book Wherever You Go There You Are (Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life) speaks about the importance of living in the now. He states "If what happens now does influence what happens next, then doesn't it make sense to look around a bit from time to time so that you are more in touch with what is happening now, so that you can take your inner and outer bearings and perceive with clarity the path that you are actually on and the direction in which you are going? If you do so, maybe you will be in a better position to chart a course for yourself that is truer to your inner being--a soul path, a path with heart, your path with a capital P. If not, the sheer momentum of your unconsciousness in this moment just colors the next moment. The days, months and years quickly go by unnoticed, unused and unappreciated."

A wise soul once said "the past is history, the future is a mystery and today is a gift. That is why we call it the present." Do you have big dreams and/or plans for the future? Are you anxious to see what tomorrow holds? We all have the power and pleasure of scripting our lives.

As sure as there has to be a beginning and an end there needs to be a middle, a right now. Enjoy your "right now" knowing that it will make for one heck of a future.

May your "right now" be filled with love, happiness and endless possibilities.

Conscious Creating

I pray that this very moment finds you with a wide smile on your face and a light heart. So, I’m half way through my Life Coach training course and can I say that I am NOT used to doing homework! My daughter and I spend hours a week together trying to figure it out :-)

Reading and self-exploration is a huge part of my training and I've experienced brief moments of anxiety due to discovering personal roadblocks that I didn’t know I had and delving deeper into the ones that I’ve been diligently working on for some time now. Luckily I've been able to stay on track by surrounding myself with positive affirmations and by changing my environment (a brisk walk outside does wonders for the soul!). As a part of the training there are a few books on the required reading list. All of the books share a common theme - the power of the subconscious mind. Our conscious mind is considered our rational or logical mind. It plants the seeds of intention within our subconscious mind, which in turn manifests our thoughts into our reality. Our subconscious mind controls our emotions, houses our belief systems and memories. In order for us to overcome negative patterns in our lives and to consciously create a glorious life beyond our wildest dreams we have to be aware of the role and power of our subconscious mind.

From the readings I realized that my past issues were definitely linked to my subconscious mind. In the the past I believed that I would always struggle in some way financially. My parents were comfortable but there was always something that kept them in a state of "just getting by." If I did manage to get ahead financially something would always come up and I would be back to square one. From unexpected bills to forgotten debts I always found myself operating in the red. Years agao I was introduced to the Law of Attraction and at the time I thought it was the answer to my prayers.

I went to work on shifting my paradigm and seeing myself as living financially free. In the beginning things were wonderful and I was growing financially by leaps and bounds. But in time I found that things went back to the way they were, borrowing from Peter to pay Paul and vice versa. Confused and a little disillusioned, I spoke with a mentor about what was happening. She advised that I had never truly addressed my belief system when it came to money. Despite my affirmations and new attitude the more I focused on manifesting money the more I became crippled with old fears of not having enough.

Have you ever accomplished something in your life that you thought impossible or too challenging? And then shortly after crossing a major hurdle or achieving success things started to regress? Or have you started seeing the success from your efforts and something came along to pause or completely stop your progress? Memories and beliefs stored in our subconscious mind has the ability to delay or even undo wonderful things that we are manifesting.

So do we spend a lifetime dismantling all of the negative belief systems that we have built up? The answer is no! My mentor taught me that instead of focusing on dis-creating old belief systems we can all consciously create new belief systems that will negate the old ones. So instead of focusing on manifesting just financial wealth (in my case I focused on specific dollar amounts) we can instead set the intention to live life happy and carefree, which encompasses everything from financial freedom to perfect health.

Are you consciously creating the life you desire? If not, take a few moments and write down the life that you want to create as if you are living it right now. Be very broad and open, as this will allow room for things you never imagined. If it’s a relationship that you desire be thankful for all the love in your life. Are you in need of a career overhaul? Be thankful for your success and watch as opportunities for success arrive.

Be sure to have FUN as you create the life you've always imagined! And may your days be filled with love, light and miracles.

Greater Expectations

Several months ago one of my students (who is also a dear friend) gave me a book entitled Be Your Own Life Coach written by Fiona Harold, a highly successful British Life Coach. He said he'd had the book for awhile and thought that I may find it useful. Though touched by the gesture I had no real interest in Life Coaching as I was evolving beautifully with yoga and meditation.

Weeks passed and "mysteriously" I began to get emails about life coaching courses. Knowing that I was receiving not so subtle nudges from the Universe I decided to open myself energetically to the possibility. When my friends started to email and call me about looking into life coaching because of something they heard on the radio or television I finally decided to pursue this divinely inspired career path. The process so far has been both refreshing and eye opening. Through self-exploratory exercises I soon realized that I still have some disempowering beliefs that need to be addressed and disarmed.

In the book Fiona states that “our expectations of people shape the way we treat them and the way they respond.” She explains that we all have expectations that we carry around with us all the time. From morning traffic to the demeanor of an overstressed agent at the MVA counter, we expect people to act in a certain manner and situations to end in a particular way. Due to the power of our thoughs we are rarely disappointed. This made me think of a time not too long ago when I was in the 15 items or less express lane at the grocery store. I didn’t pay attention to the sign and got in line because it was short. As I got closer to the checkout I realized that I had grossly exceeded the 15 item maximum and just knew that the cashier would have a problem with me ignoring the rules. I told myself that she has to deal with this everyday and is more than likely tired of people disregarding the posted sign.

Sure enough as I placed my items on the belt she curtly advised me that I should have been in another line and unhappily scanned my items. This caused my energy to shift and I immediately went into defense mode. I had made an honest mistake, why was she judging me? And I'm sure I wasn't the only one who made this mistake before, it's not like I did it on purpose! From the beginning I told myself that she would have major attitude, so it was no big surprise.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you played out a scenario in your mind just expecting the worse possible outcome to happen and then it did? We all have positive and not so positive expectations that drive our lives. From knowing that you are going to have a wonderful day to expecting the boss to suggest an unrealistic deadline for a project, we call these things into existence through our expectations and thoughts.

Fiona suggests a five-step fail proof plan to shift your expectancies from negative to positive:

1. Be Vigilant. It will take time to identify which expectancies need to shift. It is very important that we pay close attention to our mental chatter. If a negative belief comes up immediately change it to the positive. So instead of “the checkout person is going to give me major attitude” think “the checkout person is very understanding and enjoys helping out people like me.”

2. Guard Your Conclusions. We form our expectations every day based on what going on in our life and around us. It is very important that as we are taking on new expectations they are positive, and not limiting or negative.

3. Stay Cheerful. When life throws us lemons, let’s make yummy lemonade! It is very hard for negative beliefs to invade our space if we are happy and joyful. Though challenging at times we can all look for the silver lining and at the very least shift our energy with a smile or a laugh (which can be VERY contagious!)

4. Be Grateful. Most of us have heard it time and time again ¬ “stay in an attitude of gratitude”. Instead of focusing on the things that can/should be different or better be happy for the things in your life that are wonderful and blessed.

5. Choose Optimistic Friends. I’m sure we’ve all had friends at one time or another that are a little less than positive. Maintaining a positive attitude is hard enough but can be made more difficult if the people in your inner circle don’t share these beliefs. Think of the old saying “misery loves company.” If that is true then happiness and joy loves company too! So surround yourself with friends who choose positivity over negativity and support one another.

We know that this life is ours for the taking and it is based on what we expect from it. So knowing this why not expect prosperity, unconditional love, joy, happiness and anything else your heart desires?

It is your right and within your reach so grab it and hold on tight!

The Opinion Trap

Recently I was watching a show about a cooking competition on TV and one of the contestants was hugely criticized by one of the judges on the dish he prepared. Unfazed by the harsh words he shrugged it off and said that it was all a matter of opinion and he felt he did a good job and that's all that mattered. The other contestants looked at him in disbelief and voiced that he should accept the constructive criticism and make the appropriate changes. He reaffirmed his belief in what he presented and advised that if given another opportunity he wouldn’t change a thing.

His statement reminded me of one of my favorite quotes by an unknown author that states "your opinion of me is none of my business." When I first heard the quote I thought, “now what the heck does that mean????.” How could we discount opinions? They are important for our growth, right? As a child I was taught to uphold certain standards and keep in mind how others will react or what they would say. Growing up I had a very "interesting" sense of style and my mother would lovingly tell me that everyone may not get it. Not wanting people to judge me or tell me that I looked silly I would change. As I grew older I found myself trying to stay with whatever was in Vogue¬ despite my secret desire to mix polka dots and plaid!

When I began my healing journey years ago I realized that I was living my life based on what others would think of me or say about me. Instead of bracing myself for constructive criticism I would try to avoid it altogether and be what I thought others expected me to be. I found that this caused me a great deal of mental stress. I vowed to let go and live my life as I wanted to, regardless of what someone may think or say.

Are you stuck in a hold pattern or afraid to express who you really are because others may not understand or get it? Does the thought of constructive criticism make you cringe and unwilling to do the things you want to do? Sometimes we look for validation outside of ourselves when actually the only opinion that counts is our own. This life is yours to live, however you want. There will always be opinions; YOU decide which ones count and which ones don't.

So put on our polka dots and plaid and live life freely!

The Perfection Myth

I’ve always been told I have the “gift of gab” and for the past few years I’ve been putting pen to paper with my random thoughts aka musings. The inspiration for my musings sometimes comes from things that I'm experiencing in my life but most often from the wonderful feedback from those that take the time to read my babblings. One day a dear friend and I were talking about finding the strength to face challenges. He too had been through a lot in his life and in the past his method for dealing with painful challenges was to avoid them.

I told him that avoidance was a tune I used to sing quite well. In my mind it was easier to distract myself instead of facing the problem at hand. In the past I struggled constantly with my weight. Up until college I was a “perfect” size 3 and could eat whatever I wanted. I weighed myself often and took pride in the fact that my metabolism was so great. When I went to college the freshman 15 (more like 25) hit hard. My perfect size 3 quickly graduated to a size 6. Instead of addressing the problem I threw away my scale and bought a whole new set of clothes. This sustained me for awhile, but not too long.

The problem with avoidance is that in the end whatever we are trying to get away from resurfaces and sometimes causes severe emotional ups and downs. Eventually I decided to address my unhealthy eating habits and make a change for the better. Even though I never saw a size 3 again I am much healthier and happier.


As we live there will be parts of ourselves that we will need to work on and it is important that we honor and work on our challenges as they come. It can be a slow process but it is a very necessary one.

In life we are always encouraged to strive for perfection, but what does that truly mean? Does it mean that we are finally free of all of our bad habits, negative thoughts and moments of "insanity?" Are we all going to miraculously "get it" and live out the rest of our lives in a state of bliss and happiness all the time?

Instead of thinking that your life would be perfect if only _________(fill in the blank), know that true perfection is acknowledging that we all "need work" and taking those baby steps to better our lives. So today, honor your unique perfection and embrace that we are all a masterpiece in progress.

Strength and Faith

On one of my beautiful moments of downtime I was channel surfing and came across a program where a man was sharing the challenges he had faced in his life two years ago. The life that he cherished took a downturn in a matter of months. He was laid off from his job, his spouse left him and he wound up losing his home with no place to stay. This left him feeling alone and at rock bottom. After months of feeling helpless and sorry for himself he mustered up the strength to move past this trying time and was able to create a life that was more blessed and beautiful than before. He learned not to take things for granted and that he was much stronger than he could have ever imagined.

His story brought to mind some of the challenges I, and some of my loved ones, have faced in the past. There were a few times where I almost threw in the towel and gave up. I told myself that I wasn’t strong enough to make it through and it would be easier to just give up rather than try and fail. The feeling of helplessness and hopelessness tested my faith. I would go through periods of feeling sorry for myself and then frustrated. During some serious soul searching I realized that I was stronger than I gave myself credit for and there is a reason for every situation.


At some point or another we may be faced with challenges that are seemingly impossible to overcome. The limits of our faith may be tested and at that moment our fight or flight response will kick in. We may give away or discredit the power that we have to get through the most serious challenges.

If life throws you a curveball know that no matter what happens you CAN get through it. Have faith that each and every challenging situation can be overcome and in the end you will be stronger and wiser.

Today I pray that you are focused, centered and on task.