Teaching Wisdom and Respect

Recently I completed a Life Coach training course and was excited about the start of something new and wonderful. The process was eye-opening and emotionally upheaving. We were encouraged to share some of our personal experiences with classmates so that we would be prepared to handle real life issues. During one of our sessions a classmate expressed how she was tired of being taken advantage of by her family, friends and co-workers. She was given the title of the "go to" person at an early age and in time it became a very draining duty. If someone was sick, needed a hand organizing an event or wanted a shoulder to cry on she was there, regardless of what was going on in her life. She admitted that there never seemed to be anyone there for her to confide in or lean on. There was so much time focused on others that she put all of her personal worries and concerns on the back burner.

Eventually she found herself in a state of exhaustion and resentment due to the demands on her time. She felt that in some instances she was truly needed and felt obligated to help. But in others she realized she was being taken advantage of. She didn’t know how to break the cycle without disappointing loved ones. As we gave loving feedback on her situation I was reminded of a quote by Dr. Phil that states "we teach people how to treat us." By allowing her family and friends to violate her boundaries she was giving them the OK to do so.

Do you find yourself attracting the same type of relationship (romantic and non-romantic) over and over again and wonder why? Or are there certain relationships in your life that need to be revamped? Know that we set the tone for how others treat us by allowing and accepting things that don't leave us feeling uplifted and appreciated.

People will do only what we allow them to do. So if it's respect that you want, insist upon it. If unconditional love is what you desire, accept nothing less.

The fear of failure

Recently during my daily ritual of sorting through SPAM emails I came across one that was junk mail but I decided to read it anyway. It began with a quote by Canadian actress Mary Pickford: "you have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down." It made me remember a conversation I had with my doctor several months ago. During the conversation he asked me if I had any fears or phobias. Immediately I shared with him my phobia of clowns (I'm working on not having to hide behind my husband at circuses!) and my fear that something will happen to a loved one. He told me to dig a little deeper and asked if there was anything else.

After a few moments I admitted that I am proactively working on my fear of failure. In the past, my fear of failure held me back from taking on new projects and exploring my budding creative talents. I felt if I didn't try then there was no way I could fail and nothing would be lost. But in time my fear of failure actually felt as if I was failing myself. I wasn't living an open and free life because I was scared of what was out there and not measuring up to expectations (namely my own). Several years ago someone shared the true meaning of fear with me. F.E.A.R. is "False Evidence Appearing Real." We tend to put ourselves through a lot emotionally and mentally, which can cause us to see things in a distorted way.

The truth about failure is that it doesn't have to exist. Things may not work out in the way that you intended but there is always another day to get closer to your goal. Tomorrow always presents the opportunity to do it better if needed or at the very least do it the same way again!