Teaching Wisdom and Respect

Recently I completed a Life Coach training course and was excited about the start of something new and wonderful. The process was eye-opening and emotionally upheaving. We were encouraged to share some of our personal experiences with classmates so that we would be prepared to handle real life issues. During one of our sessions a classmate expressed how she was tired of being taken advantage of by her family, friends and co-workers. She was given the title of the "go to" person at an early age and in time it became a very draining duty. If someone was sick, needed a hand organizing an event or wanted a shoulder to cry on she was there, regardless of what was going on in her life. She admitted that there never seemed to be anyone there for her to confide in or lean on. There was so much time focused on others that she put all of her personal worries and concerns on the back burner.

Eventually she found herself in a state of exhaustion and resentment due to the demands on her time. She felt that in some instances she was truly needed and felt obligated to help. But in others she realized she was being taken advantage of. She didn’t know how to break the cycle without disappointing loved ones. As we gave loving feedback on her situation I was reminded of a quote by Dr. Phil that states "we teach people how to treat us." By allowing her family and friends to violate her boundaries she was giving them the OK to do so.

Do you find yourself attracting the same type of relationship (romantic and non-romantic) over and over again and wonder why? Or are there certain relationships in your life that need to be revamped? Know that we set the tone for how others treat us by allowing and accepting things that don't leave us feeling uplifted and appreciated.

People will do only what we allow them to do. So if it's respect that you want, insist upon it. If unconditional love is what you desire, accept nothing less.

The Opinion Trap

Recently I was watching a show about a cooking competition on TV and one of the contestants was hugely criticized by one of the judges on the dish he prepared. Unfazed by the harsh words he shrugged it off and said that it was all a matter of opinion and he felt he did a good job and that's all that mattered. The other contestants looked at him in disbelief and voiced that he should accept the constructive criticism and make the appropriate changes. He reaffirmed his belief in what he presented and advised that if given another opportunity he wouldn’t change a thing.

His statement reminded me of one of my favorite quotes by an unknown author that states "your opinion of me is none of my business." When I first heard the quote I thought, “now what the heck does that mean????.” How could we discount opinions? They are important for our growth, right? As a child I was taught to uphold certain standards and keep in mind how others will react or what they would say. Growing up I had a very "interesting" sense of style and my mother would lovingly tell me that everyone may not get it. Not wanting people to judge me or tell me that I looked silly I would change. As I grew older I found myself trying to stay with whatever was in Vogue¬ despite my secret desire to mix polka dots and plaid!

When I began my healing journey years ago I realized that I was living my life based on what others would think of me or say about me. Instead of bracing myself for constructive criticism I would try to avoid it altogether and be what I thought others expected me to be. I found that this caused me a great deal of mental stress. I vowed to let go and live my life as I wanted to, regardless of what someone may think or say.

Are you stuck in a hold pattern or afraid to express who you really are because others may not understand or get it? Does the thought of constructive criticism make you cringe and unwilling to do the things you want to do? Sometimes we look for validation outside of ourselves when actually the only opinion that counts is our own. This life is yours to live, however you want. There will always be opinions; YOU decide which ones count and which ones don't.

So put on our polka dots and plaid and live life freely!

My resolution

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am anti-resolutions. I took the stand against resolutions many years ago because of the self-induced stress that accomplishing and maintaining them brought. My resolutions always involved being more centered, losing weight and advancing my career all in an unrealistic timeframe. Each February I found myself frustrated with myself and my resolutions. My unhealthy habits resumed and were worse than before I set my goals. So one year I resolved never again to set resolutions.

This year I faced some of my greatest challenges and (thank God) greatest successes. Unfortunately during my expansion hub bub I lost sight of what was really important – my health. As an avid meditator and yoga practitioner I was felt that I was living a perfectly balanced life. I was working more and I was finally getting some attention for the business, plus I still had my sanity, right? My family obligations were never neglected even though I spent long hours at the new studio. There was always time to cook a healthy meal, spend time with my daughter and husband and do whatever housework I had the energy for.

Well, what I forget how important it was for me to REST. The gift and the curse of what I do is that it doesn’t feel like work. I often find myself working an ungodly amount of hours without realizing it. Soon I began to experience some very odd health problems that didn’t necessarily put me down for the count but definitely interfered with my hectic work schedule. So I bit the bullet and went to see a Naturopathic Doctor. We spent two hours discussing my work schedule, my tendencies, my fear of failure and other things that were (seemingly) unrelated to my health issues. At the close of my session he explained what was going on and that the root cause of ALL of my current issues was burnout. At first I tried to deny it, I was doing yoga, I was meditating and I am always in a (semi) constant state of Samadhi (bliss), right?

So often we overwork ourselves because we think we can handle it. We are bound by obligations and wouldn’t even think of lessening the load because there are people who depend on us. Well guess what? You need you too! If we don’t take care of ourselves we aren’t any good to anyone.

This year I am breaking my anti-resolutions rule. I NOW resolve to take it easy, work smarter, relax more often, say “no” more often and honor myself in each and every decision that is made.

So what do you resolve?