Teaching Wisdom and Respect

Recently I completed a Life Coach training course and was excited about the start of something new and wonderful. The process was eye-opening and emotionally upheaving. We were encouraged to share some of our personal experiences with classmates so that we would be prepared to handle real life issues. During one of our sessions a classmate expressed how she was tired of being taken advantage of by her family, friends and co-workers. She was given the title of the "go to" person at an early age and in time it became a very draining duty. If someone was sick, needed a hand organizing an event or wanted a shoulder to cry on she was there, regardless of what was going on in her life. She admitted that there never seemed to be anyone there for her to confide in or lean on. There was so much time focused on others that she put all of her personal worries and concerns on the back burner.

Eventually she found herself in a state of exhaustion and resentment due to the demands on her time. She felt that in some instances she was truly needed and felt obligated to help. But in others she realized she was being taken advantage of. She didn’t know how to break the cycle without disappointing loved ones. As we gave loving feedback on her situation I was reminded of a quote by Dr. Phil that states "we teach people how to treat us." By allowing her family and friends to violate her boundaries she was giving them the OK to do so.

Do you find yourself attracting the same type of relationship (romantic and non-romantic) over and over again and wonder why? Or are there certain relationships in your life that need to be revamped? Know that we set the tone for how others treat us by allowing and accepting things that don't leave us feeling uplifted and appreciated.

People will do only what we allow them to do. So if it's respect that you want, insist upon it. If unconditional love is what you desire, accept nothing less.

The Opinion Trap

Recently I was watching a show about a cooking competition on TV and one of the contestants was hugely criticized by one of the judges on the dish he prepared. Unfazed by the harsh words he shrugged it off and said that it was all a matter of opinion and he felt he did a good job and that's all that mattered. The other contestants looked at him in disbelief and voiced that he should accept the constructive criticism and make the appropriate changes. He reaffirmed his belief in what he presented and advised that if given another opportunity he wouldn’t change a thing.

His statement reminded me of one of my favorite quotes by an unknown author that states "your opinion of me is none of my business." When I first heard the quote I thought, “now what the heck does that mean????.” How could we discount opinions? They are important for our growth, right? As a child I was taught to uphold certain standards and keep in mind how others will react or what they would say. Growing up I had a very "interesting" sense of style and my mother would lovingly tell me that everyone may not get it. Not wanting people to judge me or tell me that I looked silly I would change. As I grew older I found myself trying to stay with whatever was in Vogue¬ despite my secret desire to mix polka dots and plaid!

When I began my healing journey years ago I realized that I was living my life based on what others would think of me or say about me. Instead of bracing myself for constructive criticism I would try to avoid it altogether and be what I thought others expected me to be. I found that this caused me a great deal of mental stress. I vowed to let go and live my life as I wanted to, regardless of what someone may think or say.

Are you stuck in a hold pattern or afraid to express who you really are because others may not understand or get it? Does the thought of constructive criticism make you cringe and unwilling to do the things you want to do? Sometimes we look for validation outside of ourselves when actually the only opinion that counts is our own. This life is yours to live, however you want. There will always be opinions; YOU decide which ones count and which ones don't.

So put on our polka dots and plaid and live life freely!

The Power of Positive Affirmations

This summer-like spring weather has me excited about going to the beach this year. I always try to do a little more physical activity in preparation for my “beach attire.” Since I already do yoga and dance almost every day I decided to add something more aerobic to my repertoire. Since I already spend enough time away from the family I decided to do something in-house. My daughter got a Wii Fit for her birthday so I decided to use it as a way to workout.

When the program started there was an option to do a body assessment. At first I thought there was no need to because I am already in decent shape. But curiosity got the best of me and I decided to go on and do it. To my surprise (more like horror) not only was my BMI (body mass index) borderline overweight but also my "real" age was eleven years older than my actual age. My little “Mii” went from looking fit to having a bulging belly and a hunched spine (which reminds me, I need to contact Nintendo about being a little more sensitive). I reset the game and tried it again and the results were only slightly better. That sinking feeling set in and my mood went down south.

There had to be something going on, it had to be some sort of mistake. I eat well, drink more than the suggested amount of water and I am a yoga and dance teacher for goodness sake! Not one to stay in a bad mood I started to meditate and do more yoga to shift my energy. Though my meditation and yoga practice helped me feel better my mood did not fully improve. I thought back to the days in high school when I was a size 3 and could eat whatever I wanted without worrying it would stick to my hips. At this stage in my life I am healthier than I had ever been in and I was allowing this silly little game get me down.

I needed to do more to get out of my funk. During my meditation I pushed the negative thoughts away but in essence they were still there lingering in the background. I decided to face these thoughts and flip it. I listened to my inner chatter and wrote down positive affirmations to counter self-defeating thoughts. Positive affirmations are powerful statements that transform negative energy by changing our internal dialogue. So instead of “I feel fat” I wrote down “I am fit”. Another powerful affirmation that helped quite a bit is “I am the perfect size, the perfect weight and in perfect health.” It put everything into perspective and addressed exactly what I was feeling.

I recited my affirmations several times a day for the next few days and had a few written on sticky notes around the house. Slowly but surely my mood was lifted. I don’t want to be a size 3 again, I am happy at the size that I am and I truly feel WONDERFUL! My body isn’t stricken with constant colds anymore and my asthma is a thing of the past. The affirmations not only lifted my mood but they reminded me that I have a lot to be grateful for.

The beauty of positive affirmations is that we can immediately shift negative energy by changing our inner dialogue. If you are stuck in a rut or need positive reinforcement, here are five simple steps for creating your own unique positive affirmations:

1. Make a short list of things that are contributing to negative thoughts/feelings.

2. Write the list again in a positive sense. For example "I am overweight" becomes "I am healthy, happy and the perfect weight." Be sure to begin each with "I" and write it in the present tense as if it were already accomplished. Statements should be short and concise.

3. Believe in your affirmations! Don’t write anything that would cause you to say “yeah right!”, they have to be true to you.

4. Put your affirmations where you can see them daily. They are best put in places that you frequent such as the kitchen or bathroom.

5. Repeat your affirmations (with conviction!) several times a day.


Negative thoughts and bad moods happen - we all have our moments; it is part of the human experience. Despite it all know and believe that we can create a life that we love.