Teaching Wisdom and Respect

Recently I completed a Life Coach training course and was excited about the start of something new and wonderful. The process was eye-opening and emotionally upheaving. We were encouraged to share some of our personal experiences with classmates so that we would be prepared to handle real life issues. During one of our sessions a classmate expressed how she was tired of being taken advantage of by her family, friends and co-workers. She was given the title of the "go to" person at an early age and in time it became a very draining duty. If someone was sick, needed a hand organizing an event or wanted a shoulder to cry on she was there, regardless of what was going on in her life. She admitted that there never seemed to be anyone there for her to confide in or lean on. There was so much time focused on others that she put all of her personal worries and concerns on the back burner.

Eventually she found herself in a state of exhaustion and resentment due to the demands on her time. She felt that in some instances she was truly needed and felt obligated to help. But in others she realized she was being taken advantage of. She didn’t know how to break the cycle without disappointing loved ones. As we gave loving feedback on her situation I was reminded of a quote by Dr. Phil that states "we teach people how to treat us." By allowing her family and friends to violate her boundaries she was giving them the OK to do so.

Do you find yourself attracting the same type of relationship (romantic and non-romantic) over and over again and wonder why? Or are there certain relationships in your life that need to be revamped? Know that we set the tone for how others treat us by allowing and accepting things that don't leave us feeling uplifted and appreciated.

People will do only what we allow them to do. So if it's respect that you want, insist upon it. If unconditional love is what you desire, accept nothing less.

The Opinion Trap

Recently I was watching a show about a cooking competition on TV and one of the contestants was hugely criticized by one of the judges on the dish he prepared. Unfazed by the harsh words he shrugged it off and said that it was all a matter of opinion and he felt he did a good job and that's all that mattered. The other contestants looked at him in disbelief and voiced that he should accept the constructive criticism and make the appropriate changes. He reaffirmed his belief in what he presented and advised that if given another opportunity he wouldn’t change a thing.

His statement reminded me of one of my favorite quotes by an unknown author that states "your opinion of me is none of my business." When I first heard the quote I thought, “now what the heck does that mean????.” How could we discount opinions? They are important for our growth, right? As a child I was taught to uphold certain standards and keep in mind how others will react or what they would say. Growing up I had a very "interesting" sense of style and my mother would lovingly tell me that everyone may not get it. Not wanting people to judge me or tell me that I looked silly I would change. As I grew older I found myself trying to stay with whatever was in Vogue¬ despite my secret desire to mix polka dots and plaid!

When I began my healing journey years ago I realized that I was living my life based on what others would think of me or say about me. Instead of bracing myself for constructive criticism I would try to avoid it altogether and be what I thought others expected me to be. I found that this caused me a great deal of mental stress. I vowed to let go and live my life as I wanted to, regardless of what someone may think or say.

Are you stuck in a hold pattern or afraid to express who you really are because others may not understand or get it? Does the thought of constructive criticism make you cringe and unwilling to do the things you want to do? Sometimes we look for validation outside of ourselves when actually the only opinion that counts is our own. This life is yours to live, however you want. There will always be opinions; YOU decide which ones count and which ones don't.

So put on our polka dots and plaid and live life freely!

Remembering resolutions

Oh my how time does fly, taxes are due, April showers are making way for May flowers and New Year's resolutions are probably quickly becoming a fleeting thought :-) My resolution of letting go of my superwoman complex and having more downtime has been a tough one to stick to. The state of the economy and other world events have more and more people seeking ways to reduce stress and live a more balanced life. Organizations have started hosting more health fairs and stress management workshops to help employees cope with the economy woes. As a native New Yorker and a recovering “A” type personality I lived through years of self-induced stress and was very sensitive to what was going on in the world. Through yoga and meditation I was able to relax, reconnect to joy and look at life from a more positive perspective. Because of this I welcome each and every opportunity to share the wonderful benefits to all that will listen.

After one particularly hectic weekend I almost gave up on my sole resolution. My calendar was jammed packed with activities for the next several days and no break was in sight. Even in the midst of the recession I am blessed to have a steady flow of work. It would be crazy for me to turn down an appointment or class opportunity, right? Old anxieties snuck up on me so I took some time to meditate to gain clarity.

After several minutes I decided to stay on task and created a rule of three "R's" for when I needed guidance and/or motivation. If you are at an impasse with your resolution(s) try my three “R’s” rule:

1. Revisit. Ask yourself, "is this resolution still relevant to where I want/need to be in my life at this time?" If the answer is no let go and find peace with your decision.
   


2. Revamp. If this resolution is necessary for you to live a happy and balanced life and old methods aren't working, revamp your plan of action. Explore ways to achieve your goal(s) by utilizing different methods.
   


3. Reconnect. We are capable creating the life that we desire. In order to do this we must reconnect with our source energy - happiness. Find joy and happiness is all that you do ¬this will keep us all motivated and energized.
   
   May you continue to be surrounded by love, joy and happiness.
   

Spring cleaning

Spring is finally here and as always, I look forward to my annual cleaning rituals. The house will be cleaned from top to bottom (much to my family’s delight), papers will be shredded and recycled, and items that are no longer needed will be donated to worthy causes. Though the house is well maintained for the most part, a good hands and knees scrubbing with a toothbrush is necessary at least once a year *s*.

My house isn’t the only thing that gets cleaned during the change of season. Each year I cleanse my body temple also. I normally spend at least a week fasting and cleansing, doing longer meditations and daily positive affirmations.

I use my meditations and positive affirmations as a way to clear out mental clutter. My mental clutter consists of a string of random thoughts such as “how did I let things get out of hand” or “I should have taken the time to do more.” I allow these thoughts to come to the surface and through love I acknowledge and release them and heal each one as they come up. Instead of beating myself up I am instead motivated knowing tomorrow is another day and a second chance to get back on track.

The road to total health and wellness is oftentimes a challenging one. In a “perfect” world we would all be consistent and there would be no unexpected challenges on our journey. The reality is that we all have the best intentions, but due to the wonderful unpredictability of our day to day lives we may get off track a little (or a lot!). This time of year gives us all the opportunity for a fresh start or at the very least a reminder to pick up where we left off.

As spring blossoms take the time to cleanse your body temple – starting upstairs, waaaay up in the attic. Brush away the cobwebs of self-doubt, wipe away thoughts of unworthiness. Open the windows so that the shadow of fear and frustration disappears in the bright light of hope and love.

As always, wellbeing starts in the mind – so what’s on yours?

Let yourself be open and free

This has been a wonderfully exciting, emotional and historic week. My daughter turned 7 years old on Tuesday and I was able to witness history (from the comfort of my home of course!). Grateful for the downtime, I decided to treat myself to a massage and acupuncture to relax. At first it was strange being the one on the table, as it is I who normally gives the treatments. It took a while for me to relax as I found myself taking in everything and wondering "what's going to happen next?" I found myself trying to figure out what energy line was being worked on and if there was anything I could incorporate into my practice.

As I stared at the ceiling and took in my peaceful surroundings a conversation with one of my massage clients came to mind. She was an executive at a huge firm and was responsible for making most of the decisions at her company. It was hard for her to relax during traditional massages so she decided to try Thai Massage since there is a lot more movement and she felt she could be more involved. I told her that though the massage is different from traditional Western massage her involvement needed to be very minimal for her to reap the benefits of the session. It took a little while but she finally relaxed and allowed herself to just be in that moment. Afterwards she told me that she just closed her eyes and envisioned she was a bird flying freely and that helped her to relax and let go.

Following my own advice, I closed my eyes and started to truly relax. I quieted my mind and thought of myself as a feather blowing gently in the wind. In that moment I allowed myself to be completely open and free. The rest of the session was a blur but I can tell you that I am still floating in the wind! There are several opportunities for us to be free - worry-free, carefree, stress-free. So I encourage you to take a moment, look out the window or close your eyes and choose to be free.

May this day, and your weekend, find you in a state of peace, happiness and joy.

My resolution

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am anti-resolutions. I took the stand against resolutions many years ago because of the self-induced stress that accomplishing and maintaining them brought. My resolutions always involved being more centered, losing weight and advancing my career all in an unrealistic timeframe. Each February I found myself frustrated with myself and my resolutions. My unhealthy habits resumed and were worse than before I set my goals. So one year I resolved never again to set resolutions.

This year I faced some of my greatest challenges and (thank God) greatest successes. Unfortunately during my expansion hub bub I lost sight of what was really important – my health. As an avid meditator and yoga practitioner I was felt that I was living a perfectly balanced life. I was working more and I was finally getting some attention for the business, plus I still had my sanity, right? My family obligations were never neglected even though I spent long hours at the new studio. There was always time to cook a healthy meal, spend time with my daughter and husband and do whatever housework I had the energy for.

Well, what I forget how important it was for me to REST. The gift and the curse of what I do is that it doesn’t feel like work. I often find myself working an ungodly amount of hours without realizing it. Soon I began to experience some very odd health problems that didn’t necessarily put me down for the count but definitely interfered with my hectic work schedule. So I bit the bullet and went to see a Naturopathic Doctor. We spent two hours discussing my work schedule, my tendencies, my fear of failure and other things that were (seemingly) unrelated to my health issues. At the close of my session he explained what was going on and that the root cause of ALL of my current issues was burnout. At first I tried to deny it, I was doing yoga, I was meditating and I am always in a (semi) constant state of Samadhi (bliss), right?

So often we overwork ourselves because we think we can handle it. We are bound by obligations and wouldn’t even think of lessening the load because there are people who depend on us. Well guess what? You need you too! If we don’t take care of ourselves we aren’t any good to anyone.

This year I am breaking my anti-resolutions rule. I NOW resolve to take it easy, work smarter, relax more often, say “no” more often and honor myself in each and every decision that is made.

So what do you resolve?