Teaching Wisdom and Respect

Recently I completed a Life Coach training course and was excited about the start of something new and wonderful. The process was eye-opening and emotionally upheaving. We were encouraged to share some of our personal experiences with classmates so that we would be prepared to handle real life issues. During one of our sessions a classmate expressed how she was tired of being taken advantage of by her family, friends and co-workers. She was given the title of the "go to" person at an early age and in time it became a very draining duty. If someone was sick, needed a hand organizing an event or wanted a shoulder to cry on she was there, regardless of what was going on in her life. She admitted that there never seemed to be anyone there for her to confide in or lean on. There was so much time focused on others that she put all of her personal worries and concerns on the back burner.

Eventually she found herself in a state of exhaustion and resentment due to the demands on her time. She felt that in some instances she was truly needed and felt obligated to help. But in others she realized she was being taken advantage of. She didn’t know how to break the cycle without disappointing loved ones. As we gave loving feedback on her situation I was reminded of a quote by Dr. Phil that states "we teach people how to treat us." By allowing her family and friends to violate her boundaries she was giving them the OK to do so.

Do you find yourself attracting the same type of relationship (romantic and non-romantic) over and over again and wonder why? Or are there certain relationships in your life that need to be revamped? Know that we set the tone for how others treat us by allowing and accepting things that don't leave us feeling uplifted and appreciated.

People will do only what we allow them to do. So if it's respect that you want, insist upon it. If unconditional love is what you desire, accept nothing less.

Living for Today

Lately, my family and I have been spending fun time together catching up on movies before they go out of the theaters. In the past I would often ask friends that have seen a movie of interest what happened at the end. Many were reluctant to spoil the ending by telling me, but I always managed to get them to disclose the big "ta-da". In my mind I needed to know what to expect so I would be emotionally prepared. I was never one for surprises (I didn’t want to be faced with sad ending, which almost always led to a runny nose and puffy eyes).

Once a dear friend poked fun at me gently when I grilled her for the latest storyline and pointed out that I always seemed to be very concerned with what was going to happen next. She was very correct in her observation. When I would read suspense or mystery novels half way through I would jump to the final pages just to see how things turned out. I would always chock it up to wanting to be “prepared.”

In time, I realized that I did this not only with movies and books but also in other aspects of my life. I spent a lot of time wondering about what the future held, not realizing that what I did in the present directly affects the future. The introduction to Jon Kabat-Zinn's book Wherever You Go There You Are (Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life) speaks about the importance of living in the now. He states "If what happens now does influence what happens next, then doesn't it make sense to look around a bit from time to time so that you are more in touch with what is happening now, so that you can take your inner and outer bearings and perceive with clarity the path that you are actually on and the direction in which you are going? If you do so, maybe you will be in a better position to chart a course for yourself that is truer to your inner being--a soul path, a path with heart, your path with a capital P. If not, the sheer momentum of your unconsciousness in this moment just colors the next moment. The days, months and years quickly go by unnoticed, unused and unappreciated."

A wise soul once said "the past is history, the future is a mystery and today is a gift. That is why we call it the present." Do you have big dreams and/or plans for the future? Are you anxious to see what tomorrow holds? We all have the power and pleasure of scripting our lives.

As sure as there has to be a beginning and an end there needs to be a middle, a right now. Enjoy your "right now" knowing that it will make for one heck of a future.

May your "right now" be filled with love, happiness and endless possibilities.

Greater Expectations

Several months ago one of my students (who is also a dear friend) gave me a book entitled Be Your Own Life Coach written by Fiona Harold, a highly successful British Life Coach. He said he'd had the book for awhile and thought that I may find it useful. Though touched by the gesture I had no real interest in Life Coaching as I was evolving beautifully with yoga and meditation.

Weeks passed and "mysteriously" I began to get emails about life coaching courses. Knowing that I was receiving not so subtle nudges from the Universe I decided to open myself energetically to the possibility. When my friends started to email and call me about looking into life coaching because of something they heard on the radio or television I finally decided to pursue this divinely inspired career path. The process so far has been both refreshing and eye opening. Through self-exploratory exercises I soon realized that I still have some disempowering beliefs that need to be addressed and disarmed.

In the book Fiona states that “our expectations of people shape the way we treat them and the way they respond.” She explains that we all have expectations that we carry around with us all the time. From morning traffic to the demeanor of an overstressed agent at the MVA counter, we expect people to act in a certain manner and situations to end in a particular way. Due to the power of our thoughs we are rarely disappointed. This made me think of a time not too long ago when I was in the 15 items or less express lane at the grocery store. I didn’t pay attention to the sign and got in line because it was short. As I got closer to the checkout I realized that I had grossly exceeded the 15 item maximum and just knew that the cashier would have a problem with me ignoring the rules. I told myself that she has to deal with this everyday and is more than likely tired of people disregarding the posted sign.

Sure enough as I placed my items on the belt she curtly advised me that I should have been in another line and unhappily scanned my items. This caused my energy to shift and I immediately went into defense mode. I had made an honest mistake, why was she judging me? And I'm sure I wasn't the only one who made this mistake before, it's not like I did it on purpose! From the beginning I told myself that she would have major attitude, so it was no big surprise.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you played out a scenario in your mind just expecting the worse possible outcome to happen and then it did? We all have positive and not so positive expectations that drive our lives. From knowing that you are going to have a wonderful day to expecting the boss to suggest an unrealistic deadline for a project, we call these things into existence through our expectations and thoughts.

Fiona suggests a five-step fail proof plan to shift your expectancies from negative to positive:

1. Be Vigilant. It will take time to identify which expectancies need to shift. It is very important that we pay close attention to our mental chatter. If a negative belief comes up immediately change it to the positive. So instead of “the checkout person is going to give me major attitude” think “the checkout person is very understanding and enjoys helping out people like me.”

2. Guard Your Conclusions. We form our expectations every day based on what going on in our life and around us. It is very important that as we are taking on new expectations they are positive, and not limiting or negative.

3. Stay Cheerful. When life throws us lemons, let’s make yummy lemonade! It is very hard for negative beliefs to invade our space if we are happy and joyful. Though challenging at times we can all look for the silver lining and at the very least shift our energy with a smile or a laugh (which can be VERY contagious!)

4. Be Grateful. Most of us have heard it time and time again ¬ “stay in an attitude of gratitude”. Instead of focusing on the things that can/should be different or better be happy for the things in your life that are wonderful and blessed.

5. Choose Optimistic Friends. I’m sure we’ve all had friends at one time or another that are a little less than positive. Maintaining a positive attitude is hard enough but can be made more difficult if the people in your inner circle don’t share these beliefs. Think of the old saying “misery loves company.” If that is true then happiness and joy loves company too! So surround yourself with friends who choose positivity over negativity and support one another.

We know that this life is ours for the taking and it is based on what we expect from it. So knowing this why not expect prosperity, unconditional love, joy, happiness and anything else your heart desires?

It is your right and within your reach so grab it and hold on tight!