Teaching Wisdom and Respect

Recently I completed a Life Coach training course and was excited about the start of something new and wonderful. The process was eye-opening and emotionally upheaving. We were encouraged to share some of our personal experiences with classmates so that we would be prepared to handle real life issues. During one of our sessions a classmate expressed how she was tired of being taken advantage of by her family, friends and co-workers. She was given the title of the "go to" person at an early age and in time it became a very draining duty. If someone was sick, needed a hand organizing an event or wanted a shoulder to cry on she was there, regardless of what was going on in her life. She admitted that there never seemed to be anyone there for her to confide in or lean on. There was so much time focused on others that she put all of her personal worries and concerns on the back burner.

Eventually she found herself in a state of exhaustion and resentment due to the demands on her time. She felt that in some instances she was truly needed and felt obligated to help. But in others she realized she was being taken advantage of. She didn’t know how to break the cycle without disappointing loved ones. As we gave loving feedback on her situation I was reminded of a quote by Dr. Phil that states "we teach people how to treat us." By allowing her family and friends to violate her boundaries she was giving them the OK to do so.

Do you find yourself attracting the same type of relationship (romantic and non-romantic) over and over again and wonder why? Or are there certain relationships in your life that need to be revamped? Know that we set the tone for how others treat us by allowing and accepting things that don't leave us feeling uplifted and appreciated.

People will do only what we allow them to do. So if it's respect that you want, insist upon it. If unconditional love is what you desire, accept nothing less.

The Opinion Trap

Recently I was watching a show about a cooking competition on TV and one of the contestants was hugely criticized by one of the judges on the dish he prepared. Unfazed by the harsh words he shrugged it off and said that it was all a matter of opinion and he felt he did a good job and that's all that mattered. The other contestants looked at him in disbelief and voiced that he should accept the constructive criticism and make the appropriate changes. He reaffirmed his belief in what he presented and advised that if given another opportunity he wouldn’t change a thing.

His statement reminded me of one of my favorite quotes by an unknown author that states "your opinion of me is none of my business." When I first heard the quote I thought, “now what the heck does that mean????.” How could we discount opinions? They are important for our growth, right? As a child I was taught to uphold certain standards and keep in mind how others will react or what they would say. Growing up I had a very "interesting" sense of style and my mother would lovingly tell me that everyone may not get it. Not wanting people to judge me or tell me that I looked silly I would change. As I grew older I found myself trying to stay with whatever was in Vogue¬ despite my secret desire to mix polka dots and plaid!

When I began my healing journey years ago I realized that I was living my life based on what others would think of me or say about me. Instead of bracing myself for constructive criticism I would try to avoid it altogether and be what I thought others expected me to be. I found that this caused me a great deal of mental stress. I vowed to let go and live my life as I wanted to, regardless of what someone may think or say.

Are you stuck in a hold pattern or afraid to express who you really are because others may not understand or get it? Does the thought of constructive criticism make you cringe and unwilling to do the things you want to do? Sometimes we look for validation outside of ourselves when actually the only opinion that counts is our own. This life is yours to live, however you want. There will always be opinions; YOU decide which ones count and which ones don't.

So put on our polka dots and plaid and live life freely!

Create a Life You Love

A good friend asked me to join her book club and, being an avid reader, I eagerly accepted. We each got a turn picking a book to read and when it was my turn I choose Dr. Wayne Dyer's The Power of Intentions: Learning to Co-Create Your World Your Way. I read it more than once and each time I get something new from it. A few days before our meeting my friend advised me that she and the other members were having problems with the concepts in the book and she was afraid that we would not be able to have a full discussion about it. The idea of setting intentions was a new concept and a little daunting.

I remembered I had to read and re-read the first few chapters of the book in order to understand what intentions really are. Eventually, setting intentions had become such a routine and valuable part of my life that I couldn't see others not doing or understanding it. I explained to my friend that setting an intention is simply speaking what you desire as if there is no question whether it will happen. Setting intentions is much more than just setting goals. It gives us a level of control over our lives and lays out the groundwork for our day, week, month or longer. Through setting our intentions we can create a life that we love.

Has there ever been a time when your day started late, and you didn't take a moment to pray, meditate or just be thankful for a new day? Did that sense of urgency and things not working out carry throughout the rest of your day? I'm sure this has happened once or twice (or maybe more) to a lot of us. By simply taking a moment and setting an intention you can shift your energy and change the course of your day. Normally I set my intentions before I start my day, but they can be set at any time.

In his book Dr. Dyer outlines four easy steps to set intentions:

Step 1: Discipline. In this step, Dr. Dyer explains that we must retrain our bodies to perform as our thoughts desire. This will most likely take a little time to get used to as it entails us quieting our ego mind and making a daily commitment. Most of us already have busy schedules and the thought of adding anything else may be a little daunting but in the end it is well worth the effort.

Step 2: Wisdom. Knowledge and wisdom will help keep us on track. We can stay motivated and inspired by reading, praying, meditating or anything else that keeps us emotionally and spiritually fed. It will give us patience as we connect with our mind/body/spirit.

Step 3: Love. Love for ourselves and what we do is very important. This process of reconnection with self is dependent on love. Everything in our lives should come from love and be done with love. It will make us feel good and keep us motivated.

Step 4: Surrender. Dr. Dyer describes this stage as "the place of intention...where your body and mind aren't running the show." For most of us, surrendering is a very difficult thing to do as it takes a lot of trust and belief in the unseen.


Today, take a moment to reflect on how your day is going so far and how you are feeling right now. If it isn't going the way you would like, set (or reaffirm) your intention for today, and wait for the shift to happen! May your day be filled with joy, happiness and everything your heart desires.