Teaching Wisdom and Respect

Recently I completed a Life Coach training course and was excited about the start of something new and wonderful. The process was eye-opening and emotionally upheaving. We were encouraged to share some of our personal experiences with classmates so that we would be prepared to handle real life issues. During one of our sessions a classmate expressed how she was tired of being taken advantage of by her family, friends and co-workers. She was given the title of the "go to" person at an early age and in time it became a very draining duty. If someone was sick, needed a hand organizing an event or wanted a shoulder to cry on she was there, regardless of what was going on in her life. She admitted that there never seemed to be anyone there for her to confide in or lean on. There was so much time focused on others that she put all of her personal worries and concerns on the back burner.

Eventually she found herself in a state of exhaustion and resentment due to the demands on her time. She felt that in some instances she was truly needed and felt obligated to help. But in others she realized she was being taken advantage of. She didn’t know how to break the cycle without disappointing loved ones. As we gave loving feedback on her situation I was reminded of a quote by Dr. Phil that states "we teach people how to treat us." By allowing her family and friends to violate her boundaries she was giving them the OK to do so.

Do you find yourself attracting the same type of relationship (romantic and non-romantic) over and over again and wonder why? Or are there certain relationships in your life that need to be revamped? Know that we set the tone for how others treat us by allowing and accepting things that don't leave us feeling uplifted and appreciated.

People will do only what we allow them to do. So if it's respect that you want, insist upon it. If unconditional love is what you desire, accept nothing less.

The Opinion Trap

Recently I was watching a show about a cooking competition on TV and one of the contestants was hugely criticized by one of the judges on the dish he prepared. Unfazed by the harsh words he shrugged it off and said that it was all a matter of opinion and he felt he did a good job and that's all that mattered. The other contestants looked at him in disbelief and voiced that he should accept the constructive criticism and make the appropriate changes. He reaffirmed his belief in what he presented and advised that if given another opportunity he wouldn’t change a thing.

His statement reminded me of one of my favorite quotes by an unknown author that states "your opinion of me is none of my business." When I first heard the quote I thought, “now what the heck does that mean????.” How could we discount opinions? They are important for our growth, right? As a child I was taught to uphold certain standards and keep in mind how others will react or what they would say. Growing up I had a very "interesting" sense of style and my mother would lovingly tell me that everyone may not get it. Not wanting people to judge me or tell me that I looked silly I would change. As I grew older I found myself trying to stay with whatever was in Vogue¬ despite my secret desire to mix polka dots and plaid!

When I began my healing journey years ago I realized that I was living my life based on what others would think of me or say about me. Instead of bracing myself for constructive criticism I would try to avoid it altogether and be what I thought others expected me to be. I found that this caused me a great deal of mental stress. I vowed to let go and live my life as I wanted to, regardless of what someone may think or say.

Are you stuck in a hold pattern or afraid to express who you really are because others may not understand or get it? Does the thought of constructive criticism make you cringe and unwilling to do the things you want to do? Sometimes we look for validation outside of ourselves when actually the only opinion that counts is our own. This life is yours to live, however you want. There will always be opinions; YOU decide which ones count and which ones don't.

So put on our polka dots and plaid and live life freely!

Living on purpose

I woke up early this morning to do some quiet meditation before my family started putting in their requests for the day. Last week was hectic and I needed to clear the mental clutter before beginning another week. After my meditation I looked at my bookshelf and remembered there are a few books on my "to read" list that I haven't gotten to yet. I was instantly drawn to The Rhythm of Life: Living Every Day with Passion and Purpose by Matthew Kelly. A dear friend had given me the book a while ago and I did read it but for some reason couldn't remember the concept, other than what the title suggested.

Always knowing that I am drawn to things for a reason I closed my eyes and opened the book to a "random" page. I landed on page 139 entitled Why are we all so busy? Smiling, I was once again reminded of my resolution to slow down, which I am still working on with an open heart and no self-judgment. The chapter discusses the author's life and what led him to write the book. Like many of us he reflected on the concepts of life and death, God and religion, society and other emotions the average human experiences. He wondered if he was put on earth for any real purpose. I've often reflected on about our ability to make choices and how we have the power to do anything our hearts desire, but what we may forget or not consider is that we are all here for a purpose that was decided a long time ago.

Many of us know and feel what our purpose is but for whatever reason choose to take our lives in a different and sometimes unfulfilling direction. So how do we start (or get back to) living on purpose? Matthew Kelly states that "our lives change when we stop merely replying to questions and begin to ask them." If you need to know your purpose just simply ask and be open to seeing and accepting the answer you receive.

We are in the midst of a Universal shift in consciousness and change. Now is the time for us to truly live our destinies and share our light with the world.

May your existence be filled love, laughter, happiness and purposeful living.